Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
