Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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