Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
