Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
