mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Duck Duck Cougar?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
