WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
