Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
They are going to name an STD after you.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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