I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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