Are we in a gay sports bar?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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