is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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