It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
