mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
