quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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