Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
