I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
