the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
i believe in u and ur pee
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
