I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm sobbing to NWA
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
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