Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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