my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
