Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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