she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You need Xanax blowdarts
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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