yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
