I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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