I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
