i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize