it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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