i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
soo... how was my night?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
