Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
