hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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