apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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