Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
