Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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