this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize