just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
