My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
