Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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