I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
