it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize