Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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