I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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