How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
