White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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