ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
