Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize