My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
