Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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