Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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