Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
