Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
