Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
