so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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