There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Randomize
