oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
