At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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