i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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