My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
