so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
