she looked like the before picture.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
