it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
