i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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