it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
