Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
