there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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