So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize