somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
