even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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