so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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