Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
