So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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